Hitting the wall
You are hitting the wall. You are hitting the wall. You are hitting the wall.
Like a broken record, this sentence was playing itself out in my head. Playing in the background, a monotonous warning. I wasn’t conscious of thinking it, or crafting that sentence, or allowing it to arise in my thoughts. I wasn’t conscious of hitting any wall. So what in the blazes was that thought doing there, and more importantly, what did it have to tell me? And how did it get there without my knowing I felt that? Curiosity spiked.
I listened to it running without my consent. Looping like a cray-cray lady, I listened to my own mind speak words that I was not conscious of generating. Yet I know from experience, this happens to ALMOST EVERY person I have ever talked with. That voice is important – it has things to tell us – it isn’t always the critic – often – it is the Muse. Sometimes, the Muse with a warning in her bright yellow tugboat – dangerous waters ahead – pay attention.
I stopped in my tracks. Breathed. I happened to be in the walk in closet at the time, half naked between outfit changes during an event, so I just paused and listened as I stood there in leopard print bra and hot pink pants and cowgirl boots. Carefully, so I didn’t end the loop – and the information it may have for me, I asked:
“yes” (what kind of answer was that?)
“what is needed?” I asked, tenderly
“change” (ok got that.)
“what kind of change?”
“you know this already”
Sigh. Ok. That’s a start. I am very practiced at this ‘thinking about thinking’ consciousness stuff, it’s what I teach, for goodness sakes! So when something shows up, I pay attention and approach with tender curiosity.
I stood there as it flashed in front of my visionary screen. 13 huge blank canvases. A painting project for a show I have been wanting to do for a year that I haven’t done yet or even started. (As I just wrote this sentence I took an action towards it by starting the canvas order, it will be 13 paintings and will be a two year project as far as the Muse has told me). The project will be the painted illustrations of the core teachings of Intentional Creativity. There I told you. Phew. I have been keeping this secret. Was I afraid I wouldn’t follow my word? Show up? Be able to do it? Don’t have time, space, resources, to dedicate? I feel a big shift in my energy just by telling you this. Thank you, dear one, for listening.
Yes I paint. Yes I am fulfilled on so many levels. On some levels I also feel really complete. But I have to paint, because I am a painter. This leads me to LEGEND and why it is such a potent tool for women to self catalyze, and to become conscious of being conscious. This is different than waking up, it is waking up to waking up and being able to talk about it in new ways and, share it in image and language and inquiry.
Every year, sometimes twice a year, I paint a Legend painting when I teach, but last year, I didn’t, because we used an existing version, and I was in a big move, blah blah blah. Not doing it, means my self initiatory process is out of ‘whack’. I personally NEED to do LEGEND annually because it keeps my archetype up to date and my energy field as cleared up as possible. Shows me what I am not seeing about myself. HUGE things I could not think up on my own that show up in the painting and surprise me and INSTRUCT ME so I can listen to my inner guidance system.
This is all about personal discovery – but not in our head only – but through an image which emerges as a teacher to your own soul. An example is, that in a Legend class from the past, I had the epiphany that I did not want to become the matriarch of my family. It stunned me – and it would take another two Legend paintings to work that out and let my family, finally know, I would not be assuming that role. I didn’t have kids (I had wanted to), Sue is gone from this life, and my mom lives in another state (for now) and I would not be taking on Thanksgiving dinners. In fact, for a recent Thanksgiving, Jonathan and I went to a luxury hotel down the road from our house, FARM, for dinner instead and stayed two nights and went swimming. My new kind of Thanksgiving where someone else makes the stuffing.
That is the kind of radical sovereign information that Intentional Creativity brings to light. I’ve never met a technology that can get me that conscious about what I am not seeing. Hence the reason I have dedicated my life to this very work. To sharing it with others to awaken. It is the lightening quick awakening tool that has been given to me to share. A gift I am humbled by every moment. And even with this gift to share with others, I still have to tend my own wild garden with new seeds.
So the wall I hit was my own inner work not being tended in the way I really need. I teach, a lot, and serve, a lot, and that is my joy, what is mine to do. And during all of that pouring out, I must also pour in soul satisfying full tilt boogy creative rogue process. In other words, I must feed my muse. Or she will revolt. A revolt usually ends up in some destructive action, addictions and or a sentence, that seems strange, that points to a wall I didn’t know was there. Do you have some of those walls? lol, we all do. Many times, we are defined by them but don’t even know they exist. We have to find experiences to set ourselves free from our walled in spaces. (Can you feel them even as you read?)
The amazing thing about teaching LEGEND for me however, is that I also do my own work in it. In the Color of Woman Teacher Training, our teachers are taught to do their own work in their demo painting, and while we might not go ‘as deep’ – Like the Rolling Stones says: ‘if we try sometimes, we just might find, we get what we need.’ Also when I teach painting with others, like I will this weekend with Jassy Watson from Australia, and Mary MacDonald here from Canada, then I get to go a little more wild since I am not the only one holding the container. In the Teacher Training, Color of Woman, we teach women HOW to lead others in these kinds of potent experiences. This is my work. This is the work of many women, that is why it is a movement.
I am a painter so I must paint – and I must also go into uncharted territory to find what is lurking there, that I can’t get access to, through thinking alone. But this isn’t just for painters. In fact LEGEND is the MOST excellent for non-painters. Meaning that you can come with NO PAINTING experience and get the experience of a lifetime. So if there is even an inkling in you that it is time for a BIG MOVE on your own behalf, come write a new story and paint the future self asking to speak to you in code, star, mist, magic, bone, feather, stone. wing. sigil. dot. line. glyph. morph. web. wonder. wander. adventure is what most Muses call for. Inner adventures, that lead to outer adventures that are in alignment with who we are, our identity.
We keep waiting for the right time to ‘do our thing’. To show up as we are. To really express that which is ours to express. I don’t think we can afford to wait. Or wait for time or for it to make sense. Not because our special sauce will dry up, but because our soul needs soothing and rousing at the same time. Meaning that we must nurture our deepest needs, while at the same time stirring the pot. Stagnation for misfits and rebels can turn into anger and discontent.
If you feel a call to some life-changing catalytic mojo making rebel rousing – I’ve got to do something about this ‘feeling’ in my tummy or this fear in my heart – insert your personal sentence here < >.
Then consider joining us for LEGEND. This course has been taught for close to ten years to hundreds and hundreds of women. When it is a time for a change, it is time to visit your legend, your personal mythos, your story in waiting. Together, a circle of women will travel for 3 months to a place none of us have been before. She’s a Piece of Work is our theme! WHOOOT! Maybe you have been told that before?
My message, You are hitting the wall – really got my attention and I immediately started taking action. Our subconscious will speak to us as needed, will we listen? Is there a sentence thought that you have been hearing over and over? What is it?
Can you bring it to the canvas, will you dare?
I am certain my LEGEND painting from this weekend – will include a wall of some kind lol!
Next Steps for those interested in Joining Us for LEGEND and/or to get yourself prepared for next year’s Teacher Training.
1. Read the Invitation page to the Legend Cosmic Cowgirls Course – we start Friday! Legend is the pre-requisite painting for the Color of Woman Training. Register for Legend. You’ll receive a $100 credit towards your Color of Woman Tuition when you enroll for 2018. You must have completed LEGEND to join the training. Those in LEGEND will receive Priority Enrollment interviews this Summer and special pricing.
2. COLOR of WOMAN 2018 Teacher Training – California, Australia & Itlay and online. Add your email to be the first to know about Color of Woman 2018 – we are releasing the training dates the first week of May, and will begin interviewing this Summer. Space is limited, we did fill up the past 3 years, and it does take time to prepare for the 9 month Teacher Training, including pouring your heart into LEGEND.
Summoning the Guides – A 13 Step Intentional Creativity class as taught in the Color of Woman Teacher Training, and in the LEGEND course. And happy to say this painting was sold this weekend, to an amazing woman and glad it will be in the home of a Cosmic Cowgirl!
Here I am with Stella Mac and Jassy Watson, we are here now at Cosmic Cowgirls, getting things ready for the Legend Painting & Writing Course that begins this Friday and goes for a full 3 months. We kick off with a 3-day painting workshop, April 28th – 30th. You can come to Sonoma – 2 spaces left, watch via Livestream or watch and paint at your leisure over 3 months. Everything is recorded, so this course can work alongside your schedule. It isn’t a crammed course, a few hours a week can make it happen in Legend!
And… if Color of Woman is calling you, but you’d like to get your feet wet and experience the method we teach in the training first, then Legend is your next step! Come paint with us, feel the connection of our Circle and invite your Muse to come out and play with the process.
The COOLEST PART is that you’ll be creating your very own Cosmic Self Portrait – a painting of you as your wildest, purest self expressed identity!
Sending you blessings RIGHT where you are. It is quite a journey isn’t it? Those curves in the road, or walls we hit sure can be illuminating! By working with them, and leaning in, we discover the hidden rooms, with invisible doors just waiting for us to knock….are we knocking from the inside?
She’s a Piece of Work ~ LEGEND
Starts Friday April 28
Our signature Cosmic Cowgirls Course – 3 Month Painting & Writing Adventure to create your very own Cosmic Self Portrait!
Here are some experiences from our past Legend Students:
“I feel my spirit has broken wide open and the light can now shine in and out. It was a transformative weekend. I learned more about painting in one weekend than I have in years of art classes.” – Dakota
“I would recommend this fabulous course to those who are looking for a non- intimidating path to learning how to put paint on canvas, to give structure to words and ideas floating inside, and who are open to learning wondrous things about themselves.” – Irene
May LOVE be at the CENTER of all CHOICES