God is not my girl friday – a recalibration of faith

Things didn’t turn out the way I hoped.
Most of my biggest prayers
did not turn out the way I prayed.
What I thought I wanted
wasn’t what ended up happening.
So does this mean God isn’t listening?
No, it just means God is not my girl friday
taking dictation from my desires.

Letters from the RTC 2016

you-are-so-loved-shiloh-2012

God is not my girl friday

Things didn’t turn out the way I hoped.
Most of my biggest prayers
did not turn out the way I prayed.
What I thought I wanted
wasn’t what ended up happening.

So does this mean God isn’t listening?
No, it just means God is not my girl friday
taking dictation from my desires.
Did it turn out better than I hoped?
Well in some cases yes and in some no,
but that really isn’t the right question
now is it?

Getting what we think we want is perhaps,
the wrong idea often leading to disappointment.
My faith cannot be based on any results,
emotions expressed or dreams come true.
In gratitude I leave behind an idea that
when things are good I am in favor with the Divine.
And when I perceive that things are out of order,
it may be some kind of punishment for bad behavior.

Things here on earth and how it relates to the cosmos
certainly aren’t even close to what we think.
Claiming we know how it works just isn’t for me.
Consciousness is not the reward of hard work,
rather it is a deepening intimacy with the Beloved
that causes us to see in new ways.
Seeing what we haven’t seen before
but has always been there.
This can be a beautiful path.

Yes I do believe we contribute to the beauty through
our noticing of it and admiration of the Creator’s handiwork.
Thank God that God is not my errand boy
and does not spend time shaming me
for getting it right or wrong.
It isn’t that I don’t think God is here, real, and intimate.
I do. I count on it. My faith rests right there without
needing any more evidence than earth, air, fire and water,
and me being alive.

I wonder if the universe is having an experience
through us, as the Divine?
Most of the time I just ask questions these days
instead of making any requests at all.
Unless I am desperate, then I just beg.
Then I remember I am made of stardust, soil and
Holy spit and everything falls into place as grace.

I still have no idea what is going on
and perhaps I have given up needing to know at all.
Saying I am a disciple of creation feels to lofty
but in my heart I feel I am.

I shall spend my life in love with this place I find myself,
even and especially when I don’t get what I think I what.
It is ok not to know what we want,
how it works, or why things happen the way we do.
There isn’t a formula for it we are allowed to see yet.
We aren’t ready to see what there is yet, glimpses
Inspire poets, artists, musicians, dancers, and dreamers to dream.
Somehow, not knowing has become the relief of many ages.
Shedding skins and archetypes and potential past lives.
Even exiting ideas like karma
or deserving or getting good at ‘this’.

This is likely not a punishment and reward system
although that idea has propagated a lot of suffering
and good works in trading for paradise.
Answered prayer is not a reward,
although we may praise God.
Unanswered prayer is not a punishment,
although we may blame God.
Or ourselves. Feels almost as bad to do either one.
I will just try to praise no matter what.
Hands up, heart open,
paint brush ready to move prayers across canvas.

I don’t want to trade for paradise.
I just hope to be awake when God comes
to the door of my heart.
I listen for the knock
like a baby listens for their mother’s footsteps.

I choose to be an offering.
My life is an offering,
sometimes that means
there is sacrifice, and sometimes,
mostly, blessings.
But that isn’t because God sees to it that I see.
Rather, how I make myself available to God
is my sacred assignment embodied.
My natural state is to turn blessings into offerings,
encouragement for the journey for fellow travellers.
I want to do my part. I think I am. I don’t know.
I just know when I create, I feel part of creation.

Signed,
Shiloh Sophia
Your artist and human in training

p.s. if there is anything you want me to know God, I am, listening.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

Psalm 139

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.

Genesis 1:1

Dear One,

This writing came this morning at 4am-ish and it isn’t really something – new – just something I have been searching for language about. A recallibration of faith in ever changing times. I stay strong in my spiritual path through inquiry and intentional creativity and exploring physics and spirit. I am awe of creation, totally astonished, and with it comes the shedding of out-moded ideas. Ideas I already grew out of but didn’t perhaps speak about. Maybe you have a few of those too?

Blessings to you today

Shiloh signature 2016

Painting: You Are So Loved, 2012