If you are sick or injured or working too hard – Read this because everything does not happen for a reason

Letters from the Red Thread Cafe Header

Have you been blaming yourself for being sick?
Blaming yourself for being injured? Tired? Overwhelmed?

It is bad enough when we feel this way anyway – but
to make matters worse we also blame ourselves for it.
This isn’t working.

I want to tell you something VERY important about this.

(Or at least I think it is, based on working with thousands of women, the stories have revealed themselves…that blaming ourselves just isn’t working.)

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Dear One,

Have you been blaming yourself for being sick? For being tired or are overwhelmed?

And are you saying it is because you work too hard? Do too much?

I want to tell you something VERY important.

You can slow down without needing to make yourself wrong.

You can practice self care now, without needing a reason.

We are in a fragile state right now as a global community.

Whether we work too hard or not, we are feeling it.

All of us, are feeling it, for either ourselves or our loved ones.

Yes I know it is a sign to slow down.

Go ahead and adjust your pace.

But consider instead not making yourself feel like…somehow you deserve this.

We are driven, inspired, far seeing visionaries.
We are doing sacred work no matter where we work.  We move because we feel called to move.
Because we can. And sometimes because we have to.

I just wanted to tell you today,

If you are sick or injured:

You have permission to rest.

You don’t need to blame yourself   or your body or faulty intuition or your company or job.

You can just, stop and be in the beingness of your body.

And listen for messages.

IF you listen without the filter of shame
clarity will come, instructions will come,
ideas for change will emerge.

You don’t have to believe you caused everything.
You can if you want, if that is truly helpful for you.

I just want to ask you – is it helpful?
Often it is, to a point. To see where to adjust.

Even people who aren’t working the way you are, are having challenges, it isn’t just you.

The world is changing. Our ideas need to change with it.  The treatment of our earth, our water, our food, our waste, our governments, insurance policies, institutions,   are not consistent with creating well being.  And so it is not just us who is creating this for ourselves,
we are all experiencing a need to protect our rights. Including our right to health and well being.
What we are really talking about here is what you believe about CAUSE  when you get into the finer print of the conversation about whether things happen for a reason. It is not a truth unless it is true all the time. So everything does not always happen for a reason 100% of the time.

I don’t step on a bug by accident for a reason for me or that bug.
Someone doesn’t get raped for a reason that they need to learn from.

This is NOT ABOUT what we do with it afterward – that is the teaching part. We can turn it into a lesson, we are good at making meaning out of hardship.

This is about CAUSE – did it get caused for a reason – or do we make it a teaching by choice?

Was there something behind the happening that made it happen?

Of course – no one knows, but it might mean everything doesn’t happen for a reason. Do we need it to – if so why? This isn’t about creating agreement – this is about inviting a new conversation.

You are a powerful woman (or man).  You can adjust because it is time to adjust.  Not because you have done something wrong. That is a paradigm of thinking that needs some adjustment.

A recalibration is being called for. You are a part of that.

A shame free space that empowers you to make changes.

Because it is time.

Not because you are wrong.

Let your body speak all during your life,

not just when you aren’t well.

She/he will tell you everything along the way.

Thank her/him. Thank her/him right now.

And then, settle in for a cup of tea and a nap.

Consider freeing yourself from the cage of blame.

And in case no one told you are unbelievably amazing, I am telling you.

Thank you for your work.

Thank you for resting.

Sending prayers for healing and comfort
and surrounding you with LOVE.

We are so attached to taking responsibility, but somehow calling shame on ourselves. Did the people in Michigan somehow play a part in drinking poisoned water? Will it do them good to blame themselves? I don’t know but I don’t think so. I am sure you will share what you think – and I welcome your view.

Dedicated to the hard working women who serve the world around the world, and particularly this week, those who were at UNCSW who hold the vision of healing for the women and girls of the world.

This might not be a popular topic in the create your own reality camp but it is time for us to create a revision of how this works and the popular view of how it works – this is my effort to invite the conversation. If you have another view – awesome! It is going to take all of us to create a new paradigm where using blame to shame ourselves into submission is a thing of the past.

Many have said, Freedom isn’t free. I believe freedom within one’s self begins with a choice to check out your pre-existing beliefs about whatever it is that is holding you captive. And set it free. And in so doing, set yourself free. We don’t know what we believe or we have taken on the views of others without really choosing. I don’t think self healing happens within a framework of self shaming.
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IMG_0983My sister Shannon has been living with Lyme for a long time and so we talk a lot about healing and shame. We recently painted using Intentional Creativity to work with her recovery process, and giving brush stroke honor to people who have died from Lyme.

Below I am sharing an article, someone shared this with her – from Tim Lawrence and I wanted to share it in this context. Again, this is just a wake up to reconsider the view YOU are personally holding about this framework – I am not asking you to change your mind or take on the beliefs I am sharing – just to reconsider the ones you do have.

Addition based on comments –

There is NO QUESTION at all that we influence how we experience reality – which may not be reality as it is – and that we influence our health and that we can choose to raise our consciousness. However the perspective I am sharing is less about that – because that is pretty clear that we have impact on our health – distinctions fall into other categories.
 
In every situation – did a person/people cause their illness/car accident/rape/genocide? If it is not true as in true false – then it is not a truth. It is a potentiality, and therefore a perspective of the individual because we don’t really know, as in really know.
 
Further, it is not the belief about what we do afterward that needs revision, because we have gotten pretty good at turning wounds into tools for healing. What IS in question is CAUSE – does someone believe they CAUSED that for their own learning, or that it is karma, or that somehow it was created by the universe just for them?
 
Cause is what is operative here. Not what we do with it after it happens. The belief that needs adjusting as a collective is cause. If there are NO mistakes, we are causing everything, then that is a whole different world. That would mean, rape as a weapon of war, genocide of Native Americans, drugs introduced into African American communities, women not having access to basic human rights, would be that PERSONS SPECIFIC reality as well as collective reality.
 
That thought needs to be adjusted. questioned. re-worked because it is NOT working for those who are suffering to contribute to their healing.

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Everything Doesn’t Happen for a Reason

I emerge from this conversation dumbfounded. I’ve seen this a million times before, but it still gets me every time.
 
I’m listening to a man tell a story. A woman he knows was in a devastating car accident; her life shattered in an instant. She now lives in a state of near-permanent pain; a paraplegic; many of her hopes stolen.
 
He tells of how she had been a mess before the accident, but that the tragedy had engendered positive changes in her life. That she was, as a result of this devastation, living a wonderful life.
 
And then he utters the words. The words that are responsible for nothing less than emotional, spiritual and psychological violence:
 
Everything happens for a reason. That this was something that had to happen in order for her to grow.
 
That’s the kind of bullshit that destroys lives. And it is categorically untrue.
It is amazing to me that so many of these myths persist—and that is why I share actionable tools and strategies to work with your pain… These myths are nothing more than platitudes cloaked as sophistication, and they preclude us from doing the one and only thing we must do when our lives are turned upside down: grieve….
 
Let me be crystal clear: if you’ve faced a tragedy and someone tells you in any way, shape or form that your tragedy was meant to be, that it happened for a reason, that it will make you a better person, or that taking responsibility for it will fix it, you have every right to remove them from your life”. http://www.timjlawrence.com/blog/2015/10/19/everything-doesnt-happen-for-a-reason

Or I might add – or educate them on a new way of relating to where you are on your journey. This is as personal as it gets.

Shiloh Sophia