Choosing Self – A String of Beads

Choosing Self is not a singular act.

Choosing self is not some glamorous act
of holding face to mirror
and saying: “I accept you as you are”.

Choosing self is not some private act
of holding mirror between one’s legs
and saying: “there you are!”

Choosing self is not something
that suddenly happens one day
and you wake up and find yourself saying:
“Wow, am I ever fabulous!”

Choosing self is a strand of shining beads.
Each small victory adds another bead.
Then another. At first it does not look like much.
Then one day, we can see it. It has taken on form.
Bead after shimmering bead, word after loving word.

Eventually one day we will look on top of our
every day dresser and find a whole necklace of
glistening beads. Some are chipped and old.
Some are new and shiny. Some were given by friends.
Some we bought ourselves. Some we found.
Some we may have taken when someone else was not looking.
Some were given freely. Some cost too much.
Some beads were a long time coming, we waited for someone
special to give us just the right one. Some we made by hand
out of glitter, clay, bone, cloth and bees wax.

This day, we don’t add another bead. It is finished.
Satisfied, we place the strand upon our breast,
a quiet shield of glowing victory.
And we go about our day.
A little more confident. A lot less apologetic.

And we can smile more easily forever now,
because we have chosen ourselves.
Finally. And it feels just right.