Letting the Change, Change Me

She decided
It IS possible to make a change.
The Sanctuary Within – Acrylic on birch wood panel with metal frame ©2009 Shiloh Sophia McCloud

And so she set about doing just that.
Making a change…she thought to herself,
Is one of those things everyone wants to be able to do.
But that seems so hard for us to do.
Why? she pondered
She could think of many people, right away,
including herself, that could not seem to keep their commitments.
What is it we are not doing? she queried.
We seem to be both too hard on ourselves
and not hard enough at the same time!
We need to give ourselves permission to try
and to fail over and over and start again
over and over
and somehow not make ourselves so wrong…
Even the most brilliant people she knew
were having challenges with things they thought
they had previously mastered.
And now they felt terrible…
ashamed….perplexed…surprised…defiant…mad…
and a whole bunch of other not helpful things.
This is NOT ALL about getting it
RIGHT and PERFECT.
It is about trying.
Her most positive thinking friends told her that
TRY
was a word they had given up.
But she liked it.
TRY
She liked how it implied that something was possible.
That we could “attempt” it – even though we might not make it.
She decided that she needed to redefine what failure was.
She decided that life was too precious to be a perfectionist.
Perfectionism, she frowned, is over-rated.
Her perfectionist friends were often mad – at themselves and everyone
because no one or no thing could “get it right”.
So,
if I TRY at least I am choosing. I am moving in faith.
Reaching out. Reaching in. Not giving up. Not giving in.
Make a change is possible! She exclaimed with glee.
What I have to do is keep on trying to make the change I want.
That’s it. I just keep trying. I know that if I keep trying it will happen.
Eventually. Perhaps that is soon enough!  Trust is called for here!
This is the commitment she made to herself:

I will focus my mind on the change I want. I will see the change happening. I will see the completion of the change. I will honor the journey the change is taking. I will love myself through the process. I will recognize that change happens over time. I will not lose hope no matter what. I will be grateful when I see movement towards the change. I will not overly identify with being the change – but letting the change
change me.
I recognize that struggle is okay.
That ease is okay.
That I will be okay.
I will not back away from the hard parts.
I will embrace the parts that flow gracefully.
I will pray for other’s changes to happen too!
I will try when I don’t feel like it. But I will rest too.
And I will pray really really really hard the whole time.
Then,
I will celebrate.
But wait!
Not just when the change has happened.
But I will celebrate all along the way.
Because I am on a journey
that needs me to be joyful in between all the other work of being.
I will live as if I am a person capable of change, right now.
I will learn from others who have transformed their lives.
I will remind others gently, Yes, we can
change.
And indeed we must.
I recognize that it is inspiration that furthers me,
not making myself wrong for not being better, stronger, more.
I will repent of the ways I have hurt myself and others.
And then I will continue to try to not do that again.
Changing is something we “practice” – not just something we “do.”
And the more we practice the better we get at it!
I have faith…
And she smiled to herself and went about the daily work
of changing.

©2009 Shiloh Sophia McCloud